June 17, 2008
If you are a sociopath it means you do not follow rules of society and it probably means your mind works much different too. In fact it also probably means you have not been brainwashed into the political correctness of the forward progression of society. If so, then why is that a bad thing? Well in many ways it is not.
Yet the word sociopath is often used in a negative way. What is even more interesting is that there is a trend in the United States of many people breaking the political correctness and telling society to stick it when it comes to expected norms of society?
Being a sociopath means you do not follow the rules of society. Many people say that sociopaths are bad? Not so really, well they could be bad if they go around breaking laws and hurting people. But those who buck the trends of political correctness; artists, comedians, actors, writers and musicians are hardly unneeded in society.
In fact we need them very much to prevent our civilization from turning into a socialist beehive. For those whose brains work differently, we should be thanking you all.
Yet society, academia and those who think they are helping society by trying to be professional and then condemn others by using “Sociopath” in a negative connotation are not helping our civilization, as they use this as a tool to control and manipulate independent thinkers into their linear thought process.
And actually well nothing on Earth could be more damaging to the over all society than that. Consider this in 2006.
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May 4, 2008
A writer from a national magazine called me this week. He wanted quotes for an article he is writing for the December issue. I was very excited. The article is about Prima Donnas. I asked him if he was sure I was the person he was trying to reach. I am humble and a team player, at least I think so.
He called the right person. I’m sure he found it ironic that I instantly thought of myself, but he spared me any analysis. He wanted my quotes about how a Prima Donna affects the workplace. Cool! My new book is about how personalities can create drama at work. He gave me an example of a sales rep who consistently outsells his co-workers. The sales rep doesn’t follow any of the rules of his workplace. Every process must be adjusted to accommodate his schedule. In the magazine writer’s words, “This guy breezes in and breezes out. No one really knows what he is doing, but they know when the checks come in.”
That can be a dangerous situation. I felt tension and I don’t work with the guy. Where are the boundaries? The writer then asked me for a few “snappy” lines. I don’t know if I can be snappy on command, but I tried. My first comment was that there are times when the circumstances require a unique personality. This is often so in sales. When you have a special personality, people remember you and look forward to seeing you. They also buy your products, especially if they are unique and helpful too.
The writer told me that he wanted some “psychological jargon” for the article. I’m not sure if the Prima Donna has a personality disorder. I think that negotiating the workplace often requires adjusting yourself to be effective. Sales does not require modesty. Belief in the product and confidence in your ability to sell it is crucial. Moral imperatives apply. There are lots of products that cause harm and they are sold just as enthusiastically as any other. In fact, many people are sold things that they can not afford or don’t need because the person selling it is so convincing.
This Prima Donna example was hard to nail down. This guy is competing with his co-workers. In some circles, we are taught that people will not like you when you win. Winners will tell you that it comes with the territory. One of my classes had a discussion about Rosa Parks. Some of us saw a biography about her that examined her reasons for leaving Alabama and making Detroit her hometown. People in the Civil Rights Movement were mean to her. International exposure inspired a lot of jealousy. Can you imagine a sweeter, more humble person than Rosa Parks? Few of us have that level of grace. All of us have to deal with the fact that people don’t like things about us. If that reason is that you are outselling them, so be it!
I don’t think the writer wanted me to be “pro-Prima Donna.” It’s supposed to be a negative description. I really tried, but my last quote was equally positive. I thought of another unique quality of the sales profession. They work for the customer. Their work often happens outside of the workplace, or at least away from direct supervision. They are accountable to the people they are selling to. The guy is breezing in and out because it is a formality. His work is done in the trenches. The lack of structure seems to suit him.
I wish I could think of something snappy, wry, and cynical but we have so much to learn from each other. The only time that being a Prima Donna is bad is when they are bad at what they do. There is another name that applies to that situation - Drama Queen. Rosa Parks was the real thing. She did what she had to do and accepted the consequences, good and bad. She maintained her humility throughout her very long life. We didn’t see her on the red carpet in the latest designer clothing. She worked until she could not work any more. She is a great example of how to be great and humble at the same time.
People do not understand you when you stand out. Needing to fit in can keep you from being exceptional. You have to make a conscious choice. I’m sure the writer expected my responses to be different. There are times when what you do will not be popular or expected. Do it anyway!
Dr. LaMar researches, writes, and speaks about mentoring relationships among professional women. She also consults with growing businesses about how personality and processes can affect workplace dynamics. Her books “God Provides The Sacrifice: Women Discuss Making Their Hardest Decision” and “Drama Free Workplace” can be purchased in e-book format and paperback from her web sites or by calling 806-203-4094.
http://www.DrLaMar.com
http://www.DramaFreeWorkplace.com
http://www.PhenomenalWomansGuide.com
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April 22, 2008
There is a problem. Nothing unusual but these things happen in every organization. In any situation; from chipping come chips? What is important is how you solve problems. “Each case is unique,” that is one answer. But when added all (cases) up; where would you look first? Or what do you think when you look at your organization. What is the area where normally the problem arises? And. “Couldn’t we have prevented this?”
This is a question without an answer. In fact it is true every situation is unique. But maybe you should check for yourself; what is the first “place” where you would look for. There are four options.
There is no business without a system these days, so the first natural place to look for would be any such a system. Any computer system, methodology that is not followed in the right sense, or any equipment that deviates because of this unique situation.
No, someone else tells me, most problems have nothing to do with a system as such. Not what is invisible and behind the black box. What is increasingly the issue, is the fact that we depend more and more on others. We face problems with interfaces and dependencies with other departments, companies, partners or suppliers. XML didn’t help us either.
Both are true, but there is a third area in which you will find most problems. Problem area #1; infrastructure. It is the glue that binds all together. The quality we sometimes forget but what spoils the party right when you do not expect it. “Seven out of ten it is infrastructure.”
The last option is closest to the truth. Heavenly underestimated. But probably most problems are due to human miscommunication. The area of interpersonal relations. We talk, we discuss, we present, we tease and we try to convince. But never enough.
A simple rule; before you think you are all set and ready to go, check again and communicate.
© 2006 Hans Bool
Hans Bool is the founder of Astor White a traditional management consulting company that offers online management advice. Astor Online solves issues in hours what normally would take days.
You can apply for a free demo account.
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April 10, 2008
Next, look at their organizational skills. If things are getting put away as they should be, then you are okay. However, if they seem to have an organizational system that is abnormal, then try to understand it. Work within it to a point, but at the same time, guide them towards a more conventional system. This is important, as it will help reduce clutter in the home and in the mind.
It is important that you not arbitrarily change how they have their papers and life organized. Do not make the changes without explaining to your boyfriend or girlfriend what you are doing. Let them be involved in the decisions, as that allows them to take ownership of the new set-up. This will prevent the changes from coming as such a shock and will also encourage them to keep up with the modifications that you are making.
The important part here, however, is not to move too quickly. Start slowly, and move forward at a gradual pace. Start with one room, or one section of a room. Move forward from there, maintaining the same organizational pattern and explaining it each time. Eventually, this will sink in for your significant other as the way to do things. It may take time, so try not to lose your patience with them, because they need to see things for themselves. You are creating a new habit, and depending on how long the old system has been in existence, you may have to encourage this new one for some time before you get the result that you are looking for.
Learn to alleviate your depression at http://www.curemydepression.com
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April 5, 2008
“Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…” says the mysterious old man.
“What is the world’s greatest lie?” the little boy asks.
The old man replies, “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”
(An excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. A fable about following your dreams.)
Do you believe you have no control over your life? Are you who you are today, by choice or by fate? Will a change in your actions create a change in your life? Many people have given up on their dreams… they say, “Dreaming is only for the rich. When you have money, you can dream. When you have no money, don’t dream.”
That’s true… not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon. If you are lacking in funds, it’s going to be difficult to start living life the way you want to. Money buys you freedom to follow your passions. But you don’t have to give up on your dreams, just because you lack money. Depending on where you are brought up, you will face limitations depending on your family finance, culture, and environment. Some of us are born to have easy lives, while some are born to take a more challenging path. Perhaps the limitations and obstacles you face today are part of your journey — you must overcome them to grow stronger on the path to achieving your goals.
When we are young, we all seem to have clear idea of what we want to be when we grow up. But somewhere along the way, these dreams get buried under the reality of daily living. The focus shifts from ‘living the dream’ to just ‘finding a good job with a stable income’. “Survival first”, as they call it. The sad part is that many people spend much of their lives doing what they don’t like, so they can finally earn enough to start doing what they do like. I say, that’s a great way to bury your happiness and turn into an economic slave. Doing what you dislike, day after day, will numb the sense of joy within you. Soon you will feel that your life has no greater purpose, and there is nothing to look forward to but work, work, work…. You will have forgotten how much fun it is to spend your time doing the things you like to do.
*~The Secret to Living Your Dreams~*
It’s painful if you don’t make enough money to live comfortably. But what’s more painful is if the work you do has no meaning to you. Everyday you can drag yourself to work, perform meaningless actions, and then drag yourself back home. Apart from sleeping, work takes up the majority of our time. So if you’re not enjoying your work, you’re not enjoying your life. And life is so short, isn’t it? We probably have less than a hundred years to make our mark in this world. And you never know… you fail to look while crossing the road and BOOM! You could be gone tomorrow. So why spend your life doing something you don’t like to do? We don’t slog three-quarters of our lives just so we can enjoy one-quarter… we might not live that long. Realize that the essence of your life is happening right now — you are walking a path; making your journey through life. And if the work you do, is not designed to help you fulfill your higher purpose in life, then perhaps you are walking in the wrong direction. No point taking this path… change direction.
For your dream to stay alive, you have to act on it. It’s like a fire that grows brighter and stronger if you fan its flames and keep adding wood. If you leave the fire alone, never doing anything to keep it alive, it will burn itself out. When you fail to act on your dreams, they die.
A little girl called Leanne wants to be a ballerina. But her family is poor and unable to afford the fees of the fine arts dance school. Her father tells her not to dream because dreaming is only for the rich. But her mother says, “Lea, you can be whatever you want to be. As long as you put your heart into it, and never give up. Always hold on to your dreams because when there’s a will, there’s a way.”
Leanne remembered her mother’s words. She paid her way through a college degree in the fine arts, using money she earned from working full-time. She was talent scouted by the Royal Dance and Music Theatre of England, where she began her illustrious career as a ballerina. Earning in British pounds, she made more than enough to support her family and give them a comfortable lifestyle.
Leanne had a choice… to fervently believe in her dreams, and do whatever it takes to achieve it, or believe the World’s Greatest Lie… that at some point in her life, she lost control, and fate took over. She had to have the courage to step up to her dreams, and not give up just because she lacked money. If she listened to her father and put her love aside because dreaming was only for the rich, then she wouldn’t have lived to experience her passion. She would pass on from this world, with the music still left within her… buried under some obscure belief that she could never make money doing what she loved to do.
There is music within you, and you only need to coax it out. The daily grind forces us to forget what we love to do. Imagine you’re retired… You have enough money to live comfortably, but not to splurge. How would you spend your time? What activities would you find purpose in? What would you do to amuse yourself? If you have an idea of what you would love to do but are not doing, then schedule some time everyday to do it. Making time for what you love is just like fanning the flames of your passion — the fire can only grow stronger. It’s what will bring a sense of purpose and meaning into your life; that spark of joy and wonder.
The happiest people are those who enjoy their work. They’ve managed to make money doing what they love to do, just like Leanne. And this can happen for you… if you are willing to reject the World’s Greatest Lie. Realize that you always have control over your actions, and therefore your results. The only time your start to fail in life, is when you stop believing in your ability to make a difference. You don’t need a silver spoon; you don’t need to be a genius. What you need is a sincere belief in yourself and willingness to take action towards your dreams. Believe me, you have what it takes. Just follow what British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill said in World War II: “…never give up, never give up.” And you’ll win the war.
Lance Ong is a Certified Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Master Practitioner of Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy. He does life coaching to help clients gain clarity of purpose, while removing mental blocks to success. Learn Lance’s philosophy for better living at his Internet Blog Site - Wisdom to Create a Beautiful World - www.Lancism.com.
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